Happy Go Lucky
by Kerru
Summary: 1X2, yaoi, angst, blah blah blah, songfic...just read it.


This fic is just totally alien style to me, so don't flame me cuz it's naff 

This fic is just totally alien style to me, so don't flame me cuz it's naff. I felt the need to write an angst fic. 1x2, my first Gundam fic as well, and everyone's ooc! Cuz I've never actually seen Gundam Wing! I just go on Counting For Lunatics a lot!

Happy Go Lucky

//_Love, all my love was yours,_

Of this I was so sure,

I guess I never saw it coming baby//

I loved you. I still do. Damn you, Heero Yuy. You captured my heart in the same way you completed your missions. Quick, clear and efficient. Focused solely on one purpose. Although, I'm not even sure you realised what you were doing to me. As quickly, clearly and efficiently as you worked, you made me fall in love with you. I don't think there was ever any grey bit. Any fuzzy feelings. Any time where I was unsure about what I felt for you. One moment, you were a friend, the next, I loved you. And now, I still love you. And I hate you. I hate you more than anything in the world.

//_But now, I'm over the surprise,_

I'm wearing this disguise,

So everyone can think I'm having fun, baby,

The world only sees me smiling,

my pillow knows, the truth every night,

'cause that's where I hide my sorrow,//

This jesters mask, this face that I am forced to wear so no one will see the hurt. Only the walls of my room know how fast and furious the tears come whenever I think about you, or see you. The others don't know. They don't care. They don't think to look closely. To look carefully into the eyes of this jester. If they did, they would see the pain that lies there. They would see just how this jester feels. How he really wants to act. But no, they don't see beyond the smile. No one does. No one cares enough to look.

//_And they call me happy go lucky,_

They don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down,

I do my happy go lucky so well,

I'm even fooling myself.//

After the Maxwell Church disaster, my heart broke for the first time. I prayed it would be the only time. My heart never fully healed Heero. The scars, cracks, and weak joins never left. You found those cracks. You found them and wormed your way into them, like ivy, fooling me into thinking that you were trying to heal me, then, like ivy, breaking my heart into pieces. Crumbling the old, worn, tattered suface of my heart into dust. 

//_But now, I've put it to the test, _

I know it's for the best,

In fact it's good that you walked out on me, baby.//

Sometimes, sometimes when I'm laughing loudly and bouncing around like a rubber ball, I wonder if maybe, maybe I really am happy, maybe it isn't just a mask after all. My heart leaps at the thought that maybe, just maybe I've finally gotten over you. And for a little while, I'm happy. But then, I get home, and I see all those little things that remind me of you. I'll never get over you Heero. I'll never be happy again.

//_I, I've learned how to survive, _

without you in my life,

so why am I still talking 'bout you baby?

The world only sees me smiling, 

My pillow knows the truth every night,

'cause that's where I hide my sorrow.//

I spoke to Relena the other day. That's how I heard about your engagement. She seemed very happy. And the ring is beautiful. You will suit her well Yuy. She might just be able to make a human out of you. The one thing I never managed to do, no matter how hard I tried. I've got to laugh when I think of the amount of times you tried to kill her in the past, and now, here you are, about to marry her. It's Irony in it's strongest form. I hope you enjoy life Heero. I hope you have a happy life with Relena. I love you, Heero. But I can't have you. I'll be gone when you read this. Watching over you with my namesake. It might seem dramatic, but now you've gone, I have nothing to live for. Goodbye Heero. Goodbye, Goodnight, and God Bless. 

I won't be seeing you in the morning.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

//_And they call me happy go lucky,_

They don't know my heart it dying inside

A smile's a frown turned upside down,

I do my happy go lucky so well,

I'm even fooling myself.//

Heero read the letter that Quatre had handed him in amazement. His jaw nearly touching his chest. When he'd finished, he looked up at the Arab.

"I need to see him." Quatre shook his head.

"I can't let you Heero. He's not too good at the moment. He lost a lot of blood. Seeing you might just mean the end of him." Tears filled his eyes. Heero sighed, panicking slightly.

"You don't get it! Relena lied! I never proposed to her! I'm not engaged to her! I need to see him, to tell him the truth! To tell him...To tell him I love him." Quatre's eyes widened at this speech from Heero, then nodded curtly. Quickly, he lead Heero through the corridors of the hospital to Duo's room, where he pushed open the door. Shinigami was there, asleep in bed, gauze wrapped tightly around his wrists. Heero looked at him, then turned to Quatre. The Arabian got the picture and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Heero made his way over to the bed and sat down beside it. "Duo?' He asked quietly.

//_All my love was yours, _

I guess I was so sure

When I see the morning light,

I put on this facade,

It's all I have to protect my pride,

It's all I've got, this smile is all I've got//

Duo slowly opened his eyes at Heero's voice. He blinked and looked around the room, then saw Heero and the gauze on his wrists. He smiled weakly.

"Hey Heero. Hey, aren't I supposed to be dead?" He laughed quietly, although there was no life in it. Heero placed a hand on Duo's arm.

"You don't need to smile anymore, Duo. You can take your mask off now." Duo looked at Heero, then burst into tears.

//_And they call me happy go lucky,_

they don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down, 

I do my happy go lucky so well, 

I'm even fooling myself//

After a few minutes, Duo stopped crying. He looked up at Heero.

"Why're you here?" He asked croakily. "Won't Relena be worried?" Heero shook his head.

"Relena tricked you. I was never engaged to her. How could I be? How could I be engaged to her, when I'm in love with you?" Duo blinked, then smiled. "Duo, I said you could take your mask off."

"I did." Duo whispered, then kissed Heero soundly. "I did."

//_And they call me happy go lucky,_

they don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down, 

I do my happy go lucky so well, 

I'm even fooling myself// - 'Happy Go Lucky' - Steps

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Well, did you like? And yes, I do like Steps, WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?? Review please!


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